Andrew Oldham

The future of Facebook could be the Wombles

Social tools are changing and I am starting to wonder at whether they will get broader in their scope, linking to every point in our lives, so that one day a single chip in your brain will relay your conscious and unconscious thoughts to a twitter account. Raises some issues of what the unconscious mind gets up to and whether it could be used in a court of law against you at a later date.

I wonder if social tools will start to specialise, going for those niche markets. If these social tools where logical, then Facebook would be an online book club and twitter would discuss birds, and digg it would be for undertakers or gardeners.

Last night, my wife and I came up with a series of these niche names and these are just a few that made us roar:

1. Facecluck – for chickens to get together and discuss all things chicken. You wouldn’t prod anyone you bok them and you’d have to be a chicken to join.

2. Faceschmuck – takes all your money, takes your house and adds you to application that steals your identity.

3. Facepuck – for injured hockey players or fictional Shakespearean characters.

4. Facecook - for cannibals, a place away from home to eat Gordon Ramsay, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall or The Hairy Bikers.

5. Facehook – for pirates and piercings.

6. Facetruck – for people who look like the back end of a bus.

7. Facestuck – for the accident prone or for parents with embarrassing kids.

8. Facestruck – for stalkers.

9. Faceyuck - for really, really ugly people who couldn’t get on Facetruck.

And in the interests in being fair and impartial and not just selecting one social tool:

1. Pigg It – for farmers and pigs who want farmers.

2. Wigg It – for people who are balding or judges.

3. Stigg It – for Stig of the Dump fans.

4. Tigg It - for the ultimate online schoolyard game.

5. Rigg It – for Politicians and card sharks.

6. Bigg It – the new home for men who just want to brag about it.

7. Figg It - for Greek farmers.

8. Frigg It - x-rated site or for sea men.

9. Leg It – for career criminals on the run.

And one last time for the ultimate social tool:

1. Witter – for the old and generally forgetful.

2. Litter – a place to share rubbish and Womble anecdotes.

3. Quitter - no one uses it because they can’t be bothered.

I would like to hear yours and yes it is a Sunday night and there is nothing on the television. Fuck It, for people who really like to….

Tags: digg it, Facebook, Gordon Ramsay, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall or The Hairy Bikers, Stig of the Dump, twitter

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